Marriage: The Gay Agenda

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"Reteaching Gender and Sexuality"

Reteaching Gender and Sexuality from Sid Jordan on Vimeo.

So, I was watching this video online today, and it got me to thinking about how the majority of the Prop 8 campaign (both yes and no), and the It Gets Better project focus on being gay as not being a normal part of society. While the It Gets Better project does serve to promote hope, this video talks bluntly about the fact that many people who identify as queer youth are tired of being put under the "LGBT umbrella." This really make me think, and I'm hoping it'll do the same to you.

A Little (Or a Lot) on Labels

So, recently I decided to write down everything I was feeling about who and what I was, and ended up writing quite a bit more than I'd expected. Here are some snippets of a few relevant things for this class, such as: names that I've used/preferred, pronouns, orientation labels, etc...

"My biological name is Patricia Leeann McGown. I am biologically female. I was born on December 10, 1992 to a Christian background. Almost exactly two years later, my brother was born. During my life so far, all seventeen years, I’ve learned a lot about who and what I am. It’s been a long, drawn out process. I’ve done some stuff that I’m not exactly proud of, and I lie a lot to hide from the things that I’m ashamed of.

Over the years, I’ve acquired quite a set of pseudonyms and nicknames that I’ll answer to. Some of them are from the internet, some of them make sense, and some of them are from God knows where in my mind. Here’s all the ones I remember right now:

• Tricia
• Trish
• Tish-Tish
• Patty
• Pa
• Trishy
• Squishy Trishy
• Clarke Alessane
• Reppy
• Dear
• Lonnie Leeann
• Leanna Crescent
• Clarke Classified
• Drew

I was in eighth grade when I discovered the Gay Straight Alliance in my school. Up until then, I’d been a Christian, in the Club for Christ, and I was everything a mother would ask for. I was a girl, I acted like one, I played feminine sports like volleyball, and I wore my hair long when I could, otherwise I curled or flat ironed it every morning. I was a straight girl. And then I realized that I liked girls. It was actually a very sore thumb moment. I remember waking up one morning and thinking to myself, “You’re going to Hell because you don’t just like boys.” That one was a shock, and I kept it to myself all through high school. Well, from my parents at least.

I started the coming out process (as bisexual) somewhere toward the end of my eighth grade year. I came out to Caroline, Gabby, Elena, and a couple other close friends. And then, at eighth grade promotion, I decided to tell Christine B. that I had a crush on her. She said she was flattered. I also begged her not to tell anyone because my family would find out, and I was terrified of that. And then summer came, and I ignored school for a straight three months. Everything was fine. I was happy and accepting of myself. I started looking up being bisexual and educated myself about the community. I came back from summer ready for high school.

Except when I started coming to summer volleyball practices, I noticed that I was being avoided. Nobody patted me on the butt when I made a fantastic block or crushed in practice. I saw girls doing it to everyone but me. I got no high fives, no butt pats, not even good jobs. When we took water breaks, I would go to the girl’s locker room to drink my water, otherwise the girls would look at me funny and not use the water fountain after me. So I finally asked someone. The response I got was, “We know you like girls, Tricia.” I was astounded. How did everyone know? I talked to Caroline, who talked to a couple other people, and we realized that Christine B. had told Laura W. that I was bisexual, and Laura told the entire tennis team, who, over the summer, had managed to tell everyone who was an entering freshman that I liked girls.

Not the greatest way to start off freshman year. So I was alone. I ate alone. There was no Gay-Straight Alliance. I thought, if this is what it’s like to be bisexual, I hate it. I joined the water polo team freshman year. The plus side to freshman year was water polo. Nobody seemed to care who I liked.

Starting my sophomore year, I was determined not to let my sexuality be the reason I had no friends. I started to tell people when I met them that I was bisexual until the whole school knew, and I became the president of the Gay-Straight Alliance. I worked with it for three years and set it up so that I would still be involved, no matter what. Which, coincidentally, meant that I was doing a lot of research about sexuality. Sometime between my sophomore and junior year in high school, I discovered pansexuality and things started to make sense. I’d heard of trans people, and I wondered who exactly would love them. I thought that I would if I could, and I realized that I did. Pansexuality seemed to just slip into place better than bi, and I was, by the end of my junior year, calling myself a pansexual girl, but I also said that I was a gay man in a gay woman’s body. I had no idea how true that was.

Senior year came and went, and college started. At Occidental, I realized how easy it was to be me. I could discover myself without the fear of being labeled. I could cut my hair short if I wanted to, wear what I wanted, and say what I wanted about myself without being shut down. So I did. I wear my hair short, I refer to myself in sometimes feminine pronouns, and sometimes masculine. I have discovered what I am, even if it’s got a lot of labels. I am the following:

• panromantic
• demisexual (or, more correctly to the asexual community, a “grey A”)
• transgender (in that I am bi-gendered/genderqueer)
• female-bodied, androgyne-identified (aka: biologically female, but feels androgynous...most days)
• queer
• African-American
• Irish

But more importantly, I am human. I deserve the same rights that everyone should have. I want to be able to get married to whomever I fall in love with, with the pronouns that the both of us prefer (at the time, forever, whatever [it shouldn’t matter]). I should be able to get married to whomever I fall in love with.

The labels shouldn’t be important to me.

I am a part of the LGBTQQIAAPD+ community, and damn it, I’m proud of who I am. I refuse to hide me anymore. I’m out to my parents as bisexual. I did it. That’s the big one, right? I did it. I’m out to my friends. I’m out on campus.

I am Patricia/Tricia/Lonnie/Clarke/Drew/Whatever I feel like calling myself, and I’m human.

It’s taken me seventeen years, eleven months, and fifteen days to say it, write it all down, understand, and accept it."

This is what labels have done in and with my life. Now, if we were to take a moment to think about what labels are doing for all kinds of other people in the world right now, what kind of a place would this be?

PS, this is a super interesting article (10 pages long, but worth your time when you have some) on Theories of Sexual Orientation. Take a look!

The Difference Between Bisexuality and Pansexuality

So, today, I was browsing other blogging sites, and I saw a post on a website that's called "things I hate most."

Number 24 is When “pansexuals” freak out when you say “bisexual” to describe them. For those of you who don't want to click the link, here are the points that that OP (original poster) made:

I normally don’t include explanations, but I don’t want to offend anybody, so I’m clarifying. In points.

1. They’re the same thing, really. “Pan” means all, and there are only two sexes, so “pan” in the case of human gender is the same thing as “bi.”

2. There is no “bad thoughts” associated with bisexuality that isn’t associated with pansexuality, but if you claim to be pansexual, you’re more likely to get people thinking you’re out for attention/think you’re cooloer than anybody else.

3. People can misinterpret “pansexual” to mean “all things are sexy to me. Including dogs, soda bottles, and toilets,” which if you really are turned on by everything in the world, that’s cool, but if not, do you really want people thinking that?

4. If you ever look at somebody’s gender as a reason to like them, then you have issues to begin with. If sexuality is truly not a conscious choice, then nobody is going to be like, “You’re sweet and kind and gentle and caring, but you have a penis, so I’m not going to like you.” So basically, there’s nothing about the concept of “it’s the person inside, not the gender” that separates them.

5. If you seriously care about the title, then you’re just insecure to begin with.

6. Nobody cares but you.

7. We don’t say it to be offensive; we do it because THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.

--

Now, I know for a fact that there is a distinct difference between the two, so I wrote and posted a response to this, and since it related to our class, I thought I'd share it. Thoughts and comments are welcome.

1. “They’re the same thing, really.” Okay, so I understand the confusion that many people have with distinguishing pansexuality from bisexuality, but to knowingly equate them is completely unacceptable. First, you make the assumption that there are only two genders, which I know for a fact that there are not. Human gender is a spectrum, ranging from masculine/male to feminine/female, and everything in between. To say that there are only to genders is to deny completely the fact that there are people in between who do not fall into your close-minded gender binary. Now, that being said, if we look at gender as a spectrum, as it is meant to be, then the prefix “pan” means all, which means that they are, in a sense, gender blind. Bisexuality is a sexual attraction to only the two ends of the gender spectrum: masculine/male and feminine/female, not the people in between. Just like heterosexual people are only attracted to one end of the spectrum, bisexuals are only interested in either side of the spectrum, not the spectrum in and of itself.
2. Sexuality is not a fad. No matter what people say, there are stigmas concerning bisexuality, thinking that they “sleep with everyone” and “have no standards,” just to name a few. Even though these stereotypes aren’t true, it doesn’t stop people from thinking it. To address the fact that you think that saying you’re pansexual is attention seeking is like equating someone who says “I’m genderqueer” or “I’m trans” as really saying “I need attention.” In essence, what you’re doing is taking the terms that you don’t really know about, the terms that aren’t a part of the norm, and you’re saying that they need attention because they’re “different.” I’m assuming that you’re heterosexual and therefore have not experienced the panic that comes along with realizing that you’re different. When you realize it, it’s not something that people generally want to broadcast to the world. The people they tell are usually close to them and want people to understand them, not say that they’re being attention seekers. Being different is scary.
3. Do I really want people to think that I’m sexually attracted to toilets? No. Do I really want people to make that assumption? No, of course not. But just because you ask that question doesn’t invalidate the fact that pansexual persons exist. It’s another stigma, much like what stigmas are accompanied with bisexuality. With sexuality, we are usually talking about sexual orientation concerning people and their sexual attraction to other people (I say usually because I know that this is not always the case). In the case of pansexuality, however, I think that it’s important that we dispel the myths that you purport, the ones that claim that we sleep with everything, even inanimate objects. Think about it logically: can someone really have sex with a toilet? Just…just think about that for a minute and tell me logically how that works. I’m offended by the fact that you would equate who I like with having a sexual attraction toward inanimate objects.
4. “If you ever look at somebody’s gender as a reason to like them, then you have issues to begin with. If sexuality is truly not a conscious choice, then nobody is going to be like, “You’re sweet and kind and gentle and caring, but you have a penis, so I’m not going to like you.” So basically, there’s nothing about the concept of “it’s the person inside, not the gender” that separates them.” Time out. There are so many things wrong with this statement. First of all, isn’t one of the concepts of heterosexuality that you only like the person with the opposite genitals than you have? So, doesn’t everybody have issues then? Because sexuality is not truly a conscious choice, there are going to be people (ie lesbians, heterosexual men) who are going to be like “You’re sweet and caring, but you have a penis so I can’t like you because I’m not sexually attracted to you. If people are saying what you’ve just said, then you’re proving the existence of pansexuality, because there is no “I don’t like you because of what’s in your pants and under your shirt.” You’ve basically contradicted yourself here.
5. If I care about the title, then I’m insecure to begin with? Yes. God, yes. I’m so insecure about myself that I wanted to try to create a label that I could fit into, that way I could say “Look, I have a label, too. Don’t leave me out, please. Just because I’m not 100% sure about everything doesn’t mean that I want to be left out. I made a name and everything. Please don’t leave me out.” Your exclusion and referral to pansexuality as something that doesn’t actually exist is the reason that I’m insecure. It puts thoughts in my head that say “Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe you’re not what you thought you were. You don’t really exist. So stupid, for thinking that you belonged.”
6. No, actually. People care. I feel like that’s all I have to say in this case. People care because people are empathetic and sympathetic and because not everyone is stoic and rude and uncaring to other people’s situations. “Nobody cares but you?” Bullshit.
7. So, in conclusion, when you say that pansexual persons are bisexual, it is offensive (it hurts even when people say it on accident). There is a difference. There’s a huge difference, and I hope that you can begin to recognize that people do read the things that you say. People who are like me and know that there’s a difference read this. People who aren’t sure what they believe read what you say, and we don’t need any more people thinking what you think, especially when you’re so completely and utterly wrong. We exist. Look. I’m living proof.

If Prop 19 Passes...

All right, so this is what I think about the following things:

• The legalization of marijuana
• Why I'm upset about this whole thing
• What I will feel like if Proposition 19 passes

First, I'd like to address that I believe that Proposition 19 should pass. Honestly, if people want to do something, they're going to do it whether or not it's illegal. I know that for fact. There are also the people who are only doing it because it's illegal. Believe me, I think it's stupid to do something for that reason, but I know people who do things for "the thrill of the chase." But that's besides the point. To legalize marijuana would not be the end of the world. California would tax it to no end, and the economy would start moving again, which is something that we in California very sorely need. As per usual, while looking this up, Wikipedia had the information about Prop 19 that I was looking for. It basically explains what would happen if the proposition were legal. Okay, that's how I feel about this piece. Let's move on to point two.

The whole reason that I'm upset about Proposition 19 passing is because I would much rather see same-sex marriage legal than the legalization of marijuana. People got so excited in college (and elsewhere, but I heard about it tons more here) about this proposition passing in a way that I never saw about Proposition 8 getting overturned. If (as we're reading), marriage is a fundamental right, why can't everyone marry? This is the question that many Americans are ignoring in favor of things like this:

• "Yes we cannabis" (one of the many signs I saw in my dorm room with a picture of Obama smoking what looks suspiciously like a joint)
• Well, they'll be able to get married eventually. Why not make a difference about this?

I don't understand how marijuana could ever take priority over something that's supposed to be a basic and fundamental human right.

If Proposition 19 passes in the wake of Proposition 8 passing and "preserving traditional marriage," I will be so disappointed. Not in the fact that the proposition passed, and not because people voted against marriage equality, but because more people voted for the legalization of marijuana than they did for the legalization of marriage to two people in love, regardless of sex or gender.

Anyway, that's my two cents on the issue. If Prop 19 fails, then I suppose that this whole blog post is in vain, but whatever. I felt the need to explain this situation to people who might understand where I'm coming from.

Genderless Pronouns: A Possiblilty

As I started my story for this year's NaNoWriMo (click NaNoWriMo for the main website, click here for my page/story synopsis), I started to wonder what it would be like to write one character without any gender pronouns, thus setting me up to stop writing and hop onto Google. Apparently, it's harder than one would think to "create" a genderless pronoun without offending somebody in the process. One of the first genderless pronouns that came up while I was on Google was "it/its/it's," and this bothers me for many reasons. First, it seems to me to be the kind of pronoun you would assign a human being, not a gender-nonconforming person. Second, I would never want to be referred to as an "it." The phrase seems demeaning.

The next term that I came upon was the term "em." With this pronoun, the general consensus of the poster was that the term was "masking" a real gender. However, I think that em is a perfectly acceptable substitute or pronoun for those who don't conform to the gender binary.

I guess I have a couple of questions for you guys:

1. What do you think of using gender neutral pronouns in everyday society?
2. What pronoun would you use/invent if you answer yes?
3. If you answer no, why?
4. Do you think it's possible to write a story without revealing the gender of the mail character?

Other Gender neutral pronoun sites/blogs:

• http://tib.cjcs.com/2641/genderless-pronouns-ey-em-and-eir/
• http://www.braddolman.com/misc/xe.html
• http://www.facebook.com/pages/Genderless-pronoun/107065172662945
• http://aetherlumina.com/gnp/